Friday, November 23, 2012

Poor Gabiiin!

He got his wisdom teeth out on Monday. He was a little out of it.

Happy Black Friday!

I was going to make the title "Happy Thanksgiving" but it's 1:48am as I'm writing this so, yeah nevermind. You know how I wrote about being a bit too obsessed with psychology? Well, I just sent a facebook message to my boyfriend about taking a 10-20minute personality test ( I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT). That definitely indicates that I may have a problem.
Anyway, it's really cool. I do have to say, though, there are different types of personalities, and even as each person is super different, people can be somewhat categorized into those personality types. That test is basically a brief evaluation of which category one would fit into best. My result was Nurturer. Heeeeh :D This means that I tend to... "focus on the internal world... sensitive to the feelings of others... like the structure that comes with authority and have a strong sense of duty and work ethic... service oriented... sympathetic and tie their happiness to the traditional home setting..." etc.
Speaking of the traditional home setting, and me being the thoughtful introvert, I've been thinking a lot about what I'm looking for in the few years to come. It's difficult to completely rely on God and trust that everything is in His hands, but I'm working on it. It's about stuff like college, and jobs, and grades, and videos, and all that stuff! It's so overwhelming, and I get so anxious over all of it. And at the same time, I don't want to do any of it and wish it was all done so that I could move on with this phase of life. Teenage-hood is just awkward. Especially if you've matured a bit past most of your peers. Ugh, oh well, no use in complaining, but I'm just saying.
All the stuff about where I'll go to college and how, how will my relationships last after graduation, will I study the right field, and so on. But what's even more pressuring is just everyday stuff. Like the video I'm producing for SXSW! It seems like everything's going terribly, I have so much work to do for it, so so so so much other stuff I need to do, this isn't going to even help me along in my life long-term, blah blah blah, and then I just have to stop and think. Okay, Michelle, it's not that bad, make a list, and see how little you really have going on right now. You can do it. Then, I'm in the right mind to pray that God gives me strength and helps me through it, and thank Him for all these opportunities that He has given me.
Over all, I think that if I concentrate on the big picture, at least as far as the far-ahead future goes, instead of worrying about all these details, and really trust God with those details, I'll be so much better off. That also goes for present-day details, but I can't help paying attention to them so I just need to trust God with them at the same time, leaving them up to Him. What's my big picture future look like then? Well, I continue to pray that the Lord shapes me into the woman that HE desires me to be, and that I would want the same things for me as He does. I do hope to go to a good college, get a Master's at least, get married, be married, be the "wifey" role in the house, then later have children, and that's as far as I'll go so far.
I don't get people who say that they would never want to be married or have kids. Maybe marriage I can understand a little bit, but to not have kids?! Uh uh. I have another weird obsession with pregnancy and babies -- I always have. It weirds out my boyfriend, which I think is hilarious. But come on, don't you ever wander through the baby-clothing section or the maternity section at your favorite store and think, "Ohhh my goodness that is so ADORABLE!" Well I do, and I'm proud of it. I'm very opinionated when it comes to that kind of stuff, like parenting in general. I hear people say that I'd be a good teacher or a good mom. (: However, I would like to enjoy the child-less married life, too. Actually, before I dated Gavin, I had this idea of marriage almost being the reason to have kids. That just proves how God can teach us so much through relationships.
Anyways, if you're still reading this, I'd like to take a moment of silence and a moment of appreciation for you and your waste of time, reading my thoughts.

Thank you. Now, happy Thanksgiving, happy Friday, happy Black Friday, and see you later.


Sunday, November 18, 2012

Too much!

There's way too much that I could talk about... I'll just start with the fact that (1.) school has been crazy as always, so nothing new there. I am obsessed with psychology. It's a problem. I just ordered this book "Cupid's Code", and it's fantastic. Oh man.

2. I need to post my recent buys soon. :E Lot's of cool stuff!

3. I was thinking about cutting my hair again, but then I'm like no, but yes! But no. Yes! NO. So... no.

4. As life's been crazy and lots of stuff's been going on, God still continues to teach me so much. He's taught me that loving Him honestly is not just humbling yourself but approaching Him with a sincere need for Him and His holy spirit. It's taking a look at your day and going, "Man, this is why I need God, and this is how much I need Him." It's crazy awesome, and I love it so much.

5. Naturally, I'm learning things about myself. Lately, I've become more aware of situations where I take a lot of social interactions really personally. I went to broomball last weekend, I think, with my youth group. Gradually, I started to feel like I didn't belong, like people didn't really care if I was there, yada yada yada, the usual lies my mind tempts me with. And it didn't really hit me too bad until I literally got hit -- bad. So I limped my bruised self off of the ice rink and sat there, watched everyone else play. Initially, I was going to wait for the pain to go away and then get back in, but I felt happier outside than inside, so that's where I was the rest of the time, sleeping in the bleachers.
That's kind of a weird thing to do I'm sure, and the same overall situation happened earlier in October, too. So, of course, I looked into it. Prayed about it. Researched it. Turns out that I either have a bunch of confidence and feel like I'm at the top, or all of a sudden I have zero confidence and feel like I'm at the bottom. While praying, I asked why, also apologizing at the same time because I felt like what God told me initially wasn't enough. He used that to show me how I feel like I need to have control, security, and self-awareness. Anyways, long story short, I'm more of an introvert than an extrovert... "enjoys understanding details, interested in self-knowledge and self-understanding, tends to keep emotions private, quiet and reserved in large groups or around unfamiliar people, more sociable and gregarious around people they know well..." And I was like man, it always boils down to control, doesn't it?!

It's okay! I accept that, I think it's awesome, and God helps me do that.

6. Gavin, my dear, has a blog. Go and check it out. (:

I very much enjoy taking pictures of him. Especially with this new style he's got going on. (; 
Speaking of which, Gavin will be getting his wisdom teeth taken out on Monday, and I'm going to go and pamper and care for him aaaallll daaayyy looonngg. :E <3 It's going to be incredible. Ice cream, milkshakes, movies, reading, AHH, and taking care of my love.


I'm going to cry... My grandmother from my mom's side wrote a wonderful journal about her life for me, which I will be very excited to read when I'm of age. (: I want to do the same for Lexie, but the journal would not be about my life, but instead, it would be about life lessons that I have learned and want to share with her. I am determined in being a role model in her life, someone she can always count on, look up to, talk to, cry with, and trust, while showing the majesty and love of the King.

8. I'm producing a mind-blowing, awesome, crazy-stressful short film for SXSW and DIFF. WISH ME LUCK. PRAY FOR ME. DO THE RAIN DANCE FOR ME. WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT. Currently I'm worried about getting actors and actresses, but ndjkhfukla! God provides!

9. Good movies I've seen lately: Drive, Fight Club, and Raising Arizona. Drive was awesome for a lot a lot a lot of reasons. Fight Club was so messed up and crazy but awesome so I'm not sure if I would ever watch it again but I still loved it at the same time, and that's what makes it so incredible to me. It moved me. Raising Arizona was not the funniest movie I've seen, not at all, but it was still hilarious, classic, and awesome. I'm hoping to get my hands on Black Swan soon, but we'll see.

Yeah, that's pretty much it. See, everything works out when you number things. I'm telling you, it's true.