Friday, November 23, 2012

Happy Black Friday!

I was going to make the title "Happy Thanksgiving" but it's 1:48am as I'm writing this so, yeah nevermind. You know how I wrote about being a bit too obsessed with psychology? Well, I just sent a facebook message to my boyfriend about taking a 10-20minute personality test (http://s3sorter.com/ I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT). That definitely indicates that I may have a problem.
Anyway, it's really cool. I do have to say, though, there are different types of personalities, and even as each person is super different, people can be somewhat categorized into those personality types. That test is basically a brief evaluation of which category one would fit into best. My result was Nurturer. Heeeeh :D This means that I tend to... "focus on the internal world... sensitive to the feelings of others... like the structure that comes with authority and have a strong sense of duty and work ethic... service oriented... sympathetic and tie their happiness to the traditional home setting..." etc.
Speaking of the traditional home setting, and me being the thoughtful introvert, I've been thinking a lot about what I'm looking for in the few years to come. It's difficult to completely rely on God and trust that everything is in His hands, but I'm working on it. It's about stuff like college, and jobs, and grades, and videos, and all that stuff! It's so overwhelming, and I get so anxious over all of it. And at the same time, I don't want to do any of it and wish it was all done so that I could move on with this phase of life. Teenage-hood is just awkward. Especially if you've matured a bit past most of your peers. Ugh, oh well, no use in complaining, but I'm just saying.
All the stuff about where I'll go to college and how, how will my relationships last after graduation, will I study the right field, and so on. But what's even more pressuring is just everyday stuff. Like the video I'm producing for SXSW! It seems like everything's going terribly, I have so much work to do for it, so so so so much other stuff I need to do, this isn't going to even help me along in my life long-term, blah blah blah, and then I just have to stop and think. Okay, Michelle, it's not that bad, make a list, and see how little you really have going on right now. You can do it. Then, I'm in the right mind to pray that God gives me strength and helps me through it, and thank Him for all these opportunities that He has given me.
Over all, I think that if I concentrate on the big picture, at least as far as the far-ahead future goes, instead of worrying about all these details, and really trust God with those details, I'll be so much better off. That also goes for present-day details, but I can't help paying attention to them so I just need to trust God with them at the same time, leaving them up to Him. What's my big picture future look like then? Well, I continue to pray that the Lord shapes me into the woman that HE desires me to be, and that I would want the same things for me as He does. I do hope to go to a good college, get a Master's at least, get married, be married, be the "wifey" role in the house, then later have children, and that's as far as I'll go so far.
I don't get people who say that they would never want to be married or have kids. Maybe marriage I can understand a little bit, but to not have kids?! Uh uh. I have another weird obsession with pregnancy and babies -- I always have. It weirds out my boyfriend, which I think is hilarious. But come on, don't you ever wander through the baby-clothing section or the maternity section at your favorite store and think, "Ohhh my goodness that is so ADORABLE!" Well I do, and I'm proud of it. I'm very opinionated when it comes to that kind of stuff, like parenting in general. I hear people say that I'd be a good teacher or a good mom. (: However, I would like to enjoy the child-less married life, too. Actually, before I dated Gavin, I had this idea of marriage almost being the reason to have kids. That just proves how God can teach us so much through relationships.
Anyways, if you're still reading this, I'd like to take a moment of silence and a moment of appreciation for you and your waste of time, reading my thoughts.

Thank you. Now, happy Thanksgiving, happy Friday, happy Black Friday, and see you later.

xx,
Michelle

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